Friday, May 3, 2013

Essay revise


Jerome Aiken
English
Professor: Jennifer Guarino
05/2/13
Non Scholae Sed Vitae Discimus

Picture your child or family member who goes to a school that doesn't provide breakfast but also doesn’t receive breakfast at home. After reading a New York Times article, “How to start a good school day”, the anonymous author points out a huge amount of underprivileged students in New York City that do not receive the free breakfast that is served every weekday morning to the other 12 million students across the country. The author has included the mayor of the city’s argument; Mayor Michael Bloomberg argues “Providing free breakfast in the classroom might increase childhood obesity”. With this said the school’s in this city are “losing more than $50 million a year in federal money by failing to provide breakfast to needy students. The writer’s article has realistic evidence to back up their information by the use of percentages in the school system and comparing it to other cities. The article illustrates the person behind’s perspective of the situation, but the author fails to include a solution towards this situation; making this article more informational than a call for help.
            The author’s article weakens because the writer doesn't include enough information for the topic. The article needs more information in order for it to become a more strengthen article.  With this in mind, this article implies that there needs to be a change in the cities school system. Without a change in the schools, most students will not get the well-balanced breakfast that is needed to keep their brains thinking and functioning throughout the day. According to the author “Free breakfast reduces hunger and can improve academic performance, but in New York City, too many students do not get the meals they need”. The author includes that having breakfast will improve academic performance but lacks to go into depth about the benefits of having breakfast. As I read this article, I wondered how having breakfast could have been beneficial with improving academic performance. Instead the author states simply “free breakfast reduces hunger and can improve academic performance”. The author should have included information explaining how eating a healthy breakfast could be beneficial academically. Having information that eating breakfast provides energy to start a day, having breakfast improves concentration and boost short-term memory. Also going on to say the brain needs glucose from food in order to work well, without brain energy it will be sluggish. Stating this information in my opinion would give the article strength because it informs readers that the writer knows what he is talking about and not anyone just writing this article. Including this information would have readers know that the author is educated on his written topic; it also illustrates to readers what exactly these students are losing when not provided healthy breakfast.
            However in the article, the writer states “Mr. Bloomberg has given principal’s the authority to decide whether to serve free breakfast in the classrooms of the more than 1,700 schools in the city, about 345 provide free breakfast in some classroom, and 70 allow it in all classrooms”. The writer responds with “That is not enough. The best way to ensure that more students start the day with a nutritious meal is to put free breakfast in all classrooms”. In this quote the author clarifies his view on the situation, that the principals in the schools are not doing enough. Students should be able to receive nourishment in order to be successful in their academic studies. Nourishment is essential for learning, which the article lacked to show it focused more on the cost effective problems that breakfast provided the school. With this being said he doesn't include how the reader can help put free breakfast in all classrooms. Having the problem still unsolved. Without the article including how this problem can be solved, it allows the reader to question the author’s purpose. Is the article for the reader’s knowledge or a distress signal? Not including a solution causes this problem for readers.
            Unfortunately the author didn't give any enlightenment in how to solve the problem that the New York City school systems are facing so the problem would remain to go unsolved. Instead of focusing on the problem the author should have came out with different resolutions into fixing the problem. For instance, the schools should provide a healthy nourishing breakfast in order for their students to be well equipped for a rigorous learning experience. As the article stated before the school actually looses money when not providing breakfast. So in actuality the students and the financial aspects of the school would be benefiting by providing breakfast. The article spoke about students not being able to come on time in order to receive breakfast; the school should time the buses in appropriate times so that the students can have an equal opportunity to eat breakfast. Lastly, instead of only 350 schools being provided with free breakfast, all 1700 schools in the district should receive the same privileges. Having this solution in the article, gives the reader less to think about. Instead the readers knows that in order to prevent this problem, their help will be needed to provide students in these schools with healthy breakfast.
            In closing, no child should be left behind in their learning. Every student deserves the right to learn at an equal pace. The advantage of one student shouldn't be a disadvantage to another; every student deserves an equal start. It shouldn't be based on whether you can come to school early or the financial aspect of your family. Education doesn't come with a price it comes with a goal to provide students with an opportunity to be strong standing individuals. I will always remember my principal Timothy Sullivan saying, “Non Scholae Sed Vitae Discimus”, meaning, “We learn not for school but for life”. 

Tuesday, April 9, 2013


Well so far in my revision of my paper, I been taking it slow by correcting a different part every time I look at my paper so that as I go along in my paper I gain new ideas to make my paper better. Currently I am working on the introduction of my paper, while looking at the couple of points that I lost out on. For example I lost a couple of points on not having an attention grabbing intro starter. As I seen my grade for that part of the essay. I knew absolutely what the teacher meant; my starting sentence to my introduction was plain and boring. I knew that it was something that needed to be fixed so took my time to think of a great attention grabber and took some advice from others to help it be the best it can. Another way I decided to improve my paper was by going to the writing center so that they can help me step by step in my essay to strengthen my paper. One part of my essay that I know I will need help on is the conclusion, in the conclusion I feel as if I need to repeat myself and that it’s harder to me to come up with a conclusion that leaves the reader with something to think about.


Jerome Aiken
English
Professor: Jennifer Guarino
03/23/13
Non Scholae Sed Vitae Discimus

Picture your child or family member who goes to a school that doesn’t provide breakfast but also doesn’t receive breakfast at home. The student education begins to get harmed. After reading a New York Times article, “How to start a good school day”, the anonymous author points out a huge amount of underprivileged students in New York City that do not receive the free breakfast that is served every weekday morning to the other 12 million students across the country. The author has included the mayor of the city’s argument; Mayor Michael Bloomberg argues “Providing free breakfast in the classroom might increase childhood obesity”. With this said the school’s in this city are “losing more than $50 million a year in federal money by failing to provide breakfast to needy students. The writer’s article has realistic evidence to back up their information by the use of percentages in the school system and comparing it to other cities, but the author doesn’t give the readers a solution towards the problem presented.
            With this in mind, this article implies that there needs to be a change in the cities school system. Without a change in the schools, most students will not get the well-balanced breakfast that is needed to keep their brains thinking and functioning throughout the day. “Free breakfast reduces hunger and can improve academic performance, but in New York City, too many students do not get the meals they need”. The author includes that having breakfast will improve academic performance but lacks to go into depth about the benefits of having breakfast. As I read this article, I wondered how having breakfast could have been beneficial with improving academic performance. The author does not go into depth with the benefits of breakfast. The author should have included information explaining how eating a healthy breakfast could be beneficial academically. Having information that eating breakfast provides energy to start a day, having breakfast improves concentration and boost short-term memory. The brain needs glucose from food in order to work well, without brain energy it will be slump. Stating this information in my opinion would give the article strength because it informs readers that the writer knows what he is talking about, giving the author creditably.
            However in the article, the writer states “Mr. Bloomberg has given principal’s the authority to decide whether to serve free breakfast in the classrooms of the more than 1,700 schools in the city, about 345 provide free breakfast in some classroom, and 70 allow it in all classrooms”. The writer responds with “That is not enough. The best way to ensure that more students start the day with a nutritious meal is to put free breakfast in all classrooms”. In this quote the author clarifies his view on the situation, that the principals in the schools are not doing enough. Students should be able to receive nourishment in order to be successful in their academic studies. Nourishment is essential for learning, which the article lacked to show it focused more on the cost effective problems that breakfast provided the school. With this being said he doesn't include how the reader can help put free breakfast in all classrooms. Having the problem still unsolved.
            In my opinion the author didn't give any enlightenment in how to solve the problem that the New York City school systems are facing so the problem would remain to go unsolved. Instead of focusing on the problem the author should have came out with different resolutions into fixing the problem. For instance, the schools should provide a healthy nourishing breakfast in order for their students to be well equipped for a rigorous learning experience. As the article stated before the school actually looses money when not providing breakfast. So in actuality the students and the financial aspects of the school would be benefiting by providing breakfast. The article spoke about students not being able to come on time in order to receive breakfast; the school should time the buses in appropriate times so that the students can have an equal opportunity to eat breakfast. Lastly, instead of only 350 schools being provided with free breakfast all 1700 schools in the district should receive the same privileges.
            In closing, no child should be left behind in their learning. Every student deserves the right to learn at an equal pace. The advantage of one student shouldn’t be a disadvantage to another; every student deserves an equal start. It shouldn’t be based on whether you can come to school early or the financial aspect of your family. Education doesn’t come with a price it comes with a goal to provide students with an opportunity to be strong standing individuals. I will always remember my principal Timothy Sullivan saying, “Non Scholae Sed Vitae Discimus”, meaning, “We learn not for school but for life”. 

Thursday, April 4, 2013


Jerome Aiken
4/3/13

            When deciding which essay I would choose to revise, I thought to myself which of the two essays can I go another couple paragraphs. The essay I chose to revise is will be both, the reason for me choosing both essays to revise is because I feel as if I could have got a greater grade than I did receive. The first essay was horrible but I felt as if I ran out of things to say as the essay went along so in the first essay I will be strengthen my essay also adding better topic sentences and ending sentences. I feel as my conclusion could have been much better because I didn’t really leave the reader with anything to really think about. The first essay I need to expand on some of my ideas because if I read it, I understand what I am talking about but if another person reads it, it would be confusing for them. The reason for me revising my second essay is because I felt I worked on this essay and it had more preparation to it. I was so disappointed about the first essay, I worked much more on the second but there wasn’t much of a difference in grades which makes me feel as if my hard work was useless because it wasn’t enough. In this essay I am going to try to work on the little couple of points that I lost, such as the introduction. It doesn’t catch the reader like it should and I will improve it to gain points on to my grade. In this essay I also need to improve my topic sentences and ending sentence. I felt as if my conclusion did leave the reader with something to think about so I did do better with that. Another difference was that I felt as if I could add more to this essay and there was more to say oppose to the first essay, the second I felt like my paragraphs weren’t getting weak as I went with my essay. 

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Second Essay


Jerome Aiken
English
Professor: Jennifer Guarino
03/23/13
Non Scholae Sed Vitae Discimus

After reading a New York Times article, “How to start a good school day”, the anonymous author points out a huge amount of underprivileged students in New York City that do not receive the free breakfast that is served every weekday morning to the other 12 million students across the country. The author has included the mayor of the city’s argument; Mayor Michael Bloomberg argues “Providing free breakfast in the classroom might increase childhood obesity”. With this said the school’s in this city are “losing more than $50 million a year in federal money by failing to provide breakfast to needy students. The writer’s article has realistic evidence to back up their information by the use of percentages in the school system and comparing it to other cities. The article illustrates the person behind’s perspective of the situation, but the author fails to include what could be done to the situation; making the piece lack information for the reader to gain in this situation.
            With this in mind, this article implies that there needs to be a change in the cities school system. Without a change in the schools, most students will not get the well-balanced breakfast that is needed to keep their brains thinking and functioning throughout the day. “Free breakfast reduces hunger and can improve academic performance, but in New York City, too many students do not get the meals they need”. The author includes that having breakfast will improve academic performance but lacks to go into depth about the benefits of having breakfast. As I read this article, I wondered how having breakfast could have been beneficial with improving academic performance. The author does not go into depth with the benefits of breakfast. The author should have included information explaining how eating a healthy breakfast could be beneficial academically. Having information that eating breakfast provides energy to start a day, having breakfast improves concentration and boost short-term memory. The brain needs glucose from food in order to work well, without brain energy it will be slump. Stating this information in my opinion would give the article strength because it informs readers that the writer knows what he is talking about, giving the author creditably.
            However in the article, the writer states “Mr. Bloomberg has given principal’s the authority to decide whether to serve free breakfast in the classrooms of the more than 1,700 schools in the city, about 345 provide free breakfast in some classroom, and 70 allow it in all classrooms”. The writer responds with “That is not enough. The best way to ensure that more students start the day with a nutritious meal is to put free breakfast in all classrooms”. In this quote the author clarifies his view on the situation, that the principals in the schools are not doing enough. Students should be able to receive nourishment in order to be successful in their academic studies. Nourishment is essential for learning, which the article lacked to show it focused more on the cost effective problems that breakfast provided the school. With this being said he doesn’t include how the reader can help put free breakfast in all classrooms. Having the problem still unsolved.
            In my opinion the author didn’t give any enlightenment in how to solve the problem that the New York City school systems are facing so the problem would remain to go unsolved. Instead of focusing on the problem the author should have came out with different resolutions into fixing the problem. For instance, the schools should provide a healthy nourishing breakfast in order for their students to be well equipped for a rigorous learning experience. As the article stated before the school actually looses money when not providing breakfast. So in actuality the students and the financial aspects of the school would be benefiting by providing breakfast. The article spoke about students not being able to come on time in order to receive breakfast; the school should time the buses in appropriate times so that the students can have an equal opportunity to eat breakfast. Lastly, instead of only 350 schools being provided with free breakfast all 1700 schools in the district should receive the same privileges.
            In closing, no child should be left behind in their learning. Every student deserves the right to learn at an equal pace. The advantage of one student shouldn’t be a disadvantage to another; every student deserves an equal start. It shouldn’t be based on whether you can come to school early or the financial aspect of your family. Education doesn’t come with a price it comes with a goal to provide students with an opportunity to be strong standing individuals. I will always remember my principal Timothy Sullivan saying, “Non Scholae Sed Vitae Discimus”, meaning, “We learn not for school but for life”.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Obama's Speech

In my Option the speech was great and inspirational. Obama shows both Logos and Ethos inside his speech, He showed his leadership by allowing citizens feel more safe in our daily situations such as the economy, shooting at Newtown and Gays. He talking about our situation and trying to help allows us to feel safe and it helps us be able to trust him. The President's speech creates ethos by the way he speaks with his tone and shows his authority. He allows us to see his devotion to make the country a better place to live, he actually enjoys his job and wants to help. His speech has a clear motive and he speaks on the sexuality of people, he would like citizens to become more equal to one another and help each other to better our generation and the next to come.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Germs :(






1. More people aren't aware of the germs that they can contract when giving a simple hand shake. They aren't being cautious like the 41% are when giving a hand shake.

2. Since 59% of people do not that heist to give a handshake, those are the people spreading germs through people.

3. Even though 41% that do heisted to give the handshake, it doesn't mean they didn't give the handshake; they could still pass along germs.